We laser-etch your message onto a real banana.
Type something you probably shouldn't. We burn it into an actual banana and ship it anywhere in the EU. One banana. One message. No take-backs.
- Feature
- 1–2 day EU delivery
- Feature
- Laser-etched peel
- Feature
- Still 100% edible
Three steps. One banana. Zero regrets we can process.
Type your message
Up to 500 characters of sincerity, spite, or celebration. We do not judge. We only etch.
See it on a banana
Our preview shows the exact single-color line art we burn into the peel. What you see is what ripens.
We etch & ship
On dispatch day a laser does its quiet work. 1–2 days later a banana with your name on it arrives.
Compose your banana.
Type it, style it, preview the exact etch. The preview is the honest single-color line art we burn into the peel — no color, no faking it.
Your banana appears here.
Write a message and hit preview. We render the real etch — single-color line art, no photoshoots, no lies.
The AI layer
Powered by artificial intelligence. Obviously.
No fruit company is complete without an AI roadmap. Here is ours, ranked by how real it currently is. One of these exists. We are as surprised as you are.
Banana Biography™
Every banana writes a first-person diary of its journey — plantation, etching bench, parcel depot, you. Generated by a large language model with a surprisingly small ego. Live on every order.
The Meaning Engine™
Sentiment AI reads your message and matches a micro-donation to a fitting cause. Sent “sorry”? We fund conflict mediation. Sent “congrats on the divorce”? Also conflict mediation.
Global Banana Sentiment Index
Anonymized message moods, aggregated and published monthly. The emotional state of Europe, measured in fruit. Economists will cite it ironically, then sincerely.
Banana Odyssey™
A cinematic, AI-generated film of your banana’s voyage. Sweeping drone shots of a cargo ship it was never on. Original score. Your banana, but make it Oscar-eligible.
AR Kitchen Preview
Point your phone at the fruit bowl and see your banana before it exists. Solving a problem nobody had, beautifully. Battery drain is part of the experience.
Project Coconut
For when a banana feels too fleeting: the same sentiment, etched into a coconut. Durable. Theatrical to open. €59. Our lawyers say we can’t call it “forever fruit”. Watch this space.
Also in the pipeline: Morale Bananas™ for teams — bulk-etched quarterly encouragement, invoiced as “wellness infrastructure”. Ask your CFO. It’s B2B(anana).
Made by Humans™
Too much technology? We agree.
Introducing the Resin Banana — our premium tier for people who found the previous section upsetting. Your message, etched into a real banana by hand, with a wood-burning pen, by a person with feelings. The banana is then freeze-dried and entombed in crystal-clear epoxy, mid-ripeness, forever. A banana that can never become a story, because it is already a monument.
Each piece is slightly imperfect, because so are we. Numbered edition of 50 per batch. Allow three weeks — humans are slow, and we consider that a feature.
No form. No funnel. No AI. You write, a person answers.
Ships like a paperweight, because it is one.
Certificate of Human Authenticity
- Artificial intelligence used
- 0%
- Machine learning consulted
- 0%
- Lasers involved
- absolutely not
- Humans
- 1
- Hands
- 2
- Weeks of their life
- 3
Signed in ink, by hand, slightly crooked. Included with every Resin Banana, suitable for framing next to the banana itself.
Questions a reasonable person would ask.
We built a startup around etching fruit. We anticipated skepticism.
“I ordered one for my ex. It said ‘congrats on the divorce’. Ten out of ten, would escalate again.”
— a customer we cannot legally name
- Is this real?
- Uncomfortably so. You pay €29, a real banana gets a real laser message, and a courier really brings it to a real EU address.
- What is the shelf life?
- A banana. It is a banana. Roughly 5–7 days of dignity, then it becomes a story. Etch accordingly.
- Is this legal?
- Yes. SendBaNaNas BV is FASFC-registered and ships within EU food-safety rules. The laser touches only the peel.
- Can I eat it?
- Absolutely. Laser etching removes a whisker of peel pigment and adds nothing to the fruit. Peel, eat, tell no one.
- What if it arrives bruised?
- Bananas travel. If yours shows up wounded, photograph it and we make it right. Fruit is fragile; our support is not.
- Can I send something mean?
- Within reason. Our preview step quietly declines anything that would get a lawyer involved. Pettiness: welcome. Hate: peeled off.